Blind faith....
Yesterday I took a big step..I think the last time I was so scared to do something was when I left my security and friends in England...
The funny thing is that there was just a little bit more excitement involved...I was on my way to South Africa becoming a missionary...and in my frame of mind just for a year or two...after that I would have been on my way back to university...looking after my future.....so I was pretty much a backseat driver!
Today 4 years and 4 months later...
I am sitting behind my laptop writing this. Not a graduate, not a mother nor a wife maybe even not such a good friend yet...basically nothing I planned or hoped for....and maybe even more broken and humble than the first time I made this commitment.
This time I do not even have a glimpse of what is coming...it is a bit less of an adventure, because my heart towards the Father has changed...My heart is failing to find Him were I always did. My heart is failing to understand Him like I thought I did. It's failing to connect to the one's that was just like me...those I thought I was able to learn from....
There is very little excitement involved, just a constant realisation the I need to chance. I need to be different if I want to find Him...in fact I have been praying very hard..I have been humbled more than once, I cry ever so often... do not get me wrong..I am not unhappy...I am just baffled by the sorted out people I meet...
I find comfort in the life of David...his honest approach to questioning God, trusting, failing, leaning, praising,crying and trying.
I want to question those with the answers...because I am convinced that if we wait and wail, we will taste and see so much more.....I am convinced that if we endure this season we will be consumed by the WATER that will make us thirst no more....
The funny thing is that there was just a little bit more excitement involved...I was on my way to South Africa becoming a missionary...and in my frame of mind just for a year or two...after that I would have been on my way back to university...looking after my future.....so I was pretty much a backseat driver!
Today 4 years and 4 months later...
I am sitting behind my laptop writing this. Not a graduate, not a mother nor a wife maybe even not such a good friend yet...basically nothing I planned or hoped for....and maybe even more broken and humble than the first time I made this commitment.
This time I do not even have a glimpse of what is coming...it is a bit less of an adventure, because my heart towards the Father has changed...My heart is failing to find Him were I always did. My heart is failing to understand Him like I thought I did. It's failing to connect to the one's that was just like me...those I thought I was able to learn from....
There is very little excitement involved, just a constant realisation the I need to chance. I need to be different if I want to find Him...in fact I have been praying very hard..I have been humbled more than once, I cry ever so often... do not get me wrong..I am not unhappy...I am just baffled by the sorted out people I meet...
I find comfort in the life of David...his honest approach to questioning God, trusting, failing, leaning, praising,crying and trying.
I want to question those with the answers...because I am convinced that if we wait and wail, we will taste and see so much more.....I am convinced that if we endure this season we will be consumed by the WATER that will make us thirst no more....
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