Monday, September 7, 2009

Running in circles...

I just have the urge to write this down...to write it
all "out" as such... it's almost like these emotions
have me in detention. I am so sick of not being the
master of my emotions. They are running wild, mocking
me like a bird being mocked whilst in a cage.

It influences my whole being:

So what is the function of these emotions - why have
I only start experiencing them since I started the
new venture that I am on.

The funny thing is you can't call them a name, it
is not one feeling "not good enough"
it is just a mixing bowl full of tears, joy fear
and not even getting close to tast the bake.

I do not even know if this is bringing me closer
to God. I do not even know if this is God.
All I know is that I want it to fade...

How can this be normal wanting to lose sensitivity,
compassion, fullfilment, commitment..

just a thought..not a feeling...

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